It never rains but it pours

Taking some time off from the side tinkering. What’s the scoop? My Dad died, the dog died, and my fiancee left me. You gotta take some ‘me’ time after a trifecta like that, you just gotta.

Now that I’ve hooked you in with the teaser please do understand up front that the fiancee leaving me is unrelated to the other two. It was just one of those things that happens, there’s never a good time. There’s also no bad blood or lasting grudges.

I’m gonna take a bit of time away from the side projects, do the cliche’d find myself and all that. Figure out where I am in the feels department.

On to the juicy part I guess, it’s something I’ve not written about because I don’t know what to write about it.

My Dad Died

We’d not been close in the past few years, me and my Dad. He was an alcoholic, and in the end that’s what did him in. I’m no doctor but reading the autopsy report it looks like it was pneumonia while his liver was running at 100% filtering all the booze he was drinking. Overloaded and underloved, burned it out.

Of course it didn’t go unfelt, but I think the distance between us has held off the whole thing hitting me. It’s not crashed down yet, if it ever will. It sort of feels like if I was so inclined I could just pop round and he’d be there, sherry in hand. I know that’s not true, but it’s how it feels. I gotta put some real thinking behind that and let it sink in properly.

The Dog Died

My Dad had a dog, chiuawawa it was (note to self you really need some spell checking writing these things). Everything was lining up so that I’d take it on as everyone else has shitty rental agreements with a no pets clause. Unfortunately the temporary care wasn’t fully dog-proof. From what I heard the dog got out, legged it into the road, got hit by a car. Always wanted a dog ever since I moved out, I guess now’s not the time.

My Fiancee Left Me

All the signs were there. We’d been growing distant. I’d been growing lazy. The fire fizzled.

While it was a bit of a shock to get ‘the talk’ I understand and accept the reasoning, and hold no grudge. There’s no sides to take and no drama to spill, sometimes things just fizzle out.

Where’s Your Head At, At, At?

I don’t know. Right now I’m cool as a cucumber. If I was wearing sunglasses I’d take them off and there’d be another pair of sunglasses underneath them. It feels wrong, I should be feeling something. Shit, I should be feeling sad. Dribble some tears out of my face holes or something.

I’ve been hiding in Minecraft the past few days. I know right, where did that come from? There’s been a weird resurgence recently and I felt like giving it a go. Jumped on a multiplayer server and started building up my lil blocky empire. It’s not productive in either the writing code or the self reflection sense.

I need to meditate, I need to read, I need to reflect. Heck, I need to be bored.

Why am I writing this little waffle? Well it’s because of the Project page really. I recently added a thing that shows the latest updates for each project. Felt like I should justify the last update time growing and growing despite projects being supposedly active.

I dunno, suggestions on a postcard please. I’m gonna go lie down.

Heya! I’m Cohan and I make PHP-based websites. I also administer Linux servers and do other nerdy good stuff like that.
My real love is writing though, this here’s my outlet for that.
A picture of me.