February 6, 2021. Saturday.

I talk about what happened in Benidorm in this one.

11:33

Alright so I was having a piss and I realised my goals are always stuff like “remove poverty from the world” which y’know, great. But in the meantime, what?

New goal: Get out of bed before 10am on days where I don’t need to get out of bed.

Not all goals need to change the world, work your way up to the biggies :)

As stats go that might be the most productive pee I’ve ever had. Quit setting me up to fail, past me.

12:06

Its really hard to browse /r/Twitch. Half of the people there are desperate for the reason their streams aren’t drawing in any views..

It’s because your stream is a boring as fuck cookie cutter saying nothing whenever chat is slow stream. You say fuck all when someone shows up and they leave without you noticing.

That sounds super mean and it is, but come on! You’re competing against Netflix and TV. Gurning at your screen while playing flavour of the week isnt going to cut it!

Find your unique selling point, go all in. There’s already plenty of choice for the 5 viewers on Twitch who enjoy non-content.

For the record I would go more in depth and more constructive if I was responding to someone directly haha, but if you even hint at saying something someone needs to improve you get downvoted.

Fuck it. Your stream is perfect. They just haven’t found you yet is all. No no don’t quit your day job just yet but fame and fortune are on their way for sure. People love watching paint dry, that’s why it’s a phrase.

If it’s a hobby do whatever you want. Not talking to you.

13:00

If you want it figured out easy, make the laziest cunt do it.

Bill Gates (ish)

13:57

“We want this done 5 minutes ago and don’t want to pay for it” is why it costs so much and takes up so much time.

The extra effort taken to make up for the lack of time makes the job shiter, meaning things get missed, procedures get short circuited, things break. Maybe not now, maybe not next week. Probably when your site gets the attention it deserves and falls over due to an inefficiency.

14:17

I need a plant for the room to suck up all these farts.

Also it would look nice and give me some responsibility.

Suggestions welcome!

14:39

Brain we’re not ordering a Subway so we can get a bottle of Pepsi Max what is wrong with you? Go to the shop if you want it that badly.

Or just drink the water thats in the bottle within arm’s reach?

14:56

So anyway I’m eating a BMT.

15:43

Clickable for the feed

15:58

I was totally kidding about the BMT, I made a coffee for flavour and chugged a litre of water. Sorted.

16:21

Robot just fished a kitchen roll tube from under the bed. Cheers Winston!

16:25

I gotta imagine this thing is making a right racket through the floor but the lad downstairs said he can sleep through anything (night shift)

I’m going by a policy of taking people at their word if it benefits me. If you lie and get a bad result its on you.

I’m also a super anxiety mess while it vacs up so I’m writing this.

16:35

That removing poverty is legitimately one of my goals by the way. Profit share is one of many, many, steps.

I will more than likely fail. You don’t need to tell me. I know. Jump in and correct a specific bad course or shut the fuck up and stay out of the way :)

Preemptive anxiety spike snark: You’re right. I can’t help every single person in one go. Fuck it off then.

Come on, I know technology and websites aren’t the answer. I know. They are a stepping stone, I’m not exactly Bezos in the cash department. It’s gonna take a minute.

Anyway yeah I needed something long term to work towards. Tadaaa. It’s the only thing I could come up with that sparked passion. Have at it.

If Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos happens across my shitty little diary I’ll put your name on it for a few milly investment upfront.. just sayin. You rich guys want immortal right? Get your name on the end of poverty. No effort. Chump change for you if it fails. Let me skip the first couple of steps where I need to bootstrap my own finances first.

Just sayin'

16:59

I would also lean on you for useful contact introductions too, not gonna lie.

Ok just millies and occasionally emailing your EA to introduce me to someone who can get specific shit done now and then in exchange for immortality.

Ta.

20:58

Wrote a bit idk. Poor.

21:15

Feel like I’m gonna attribute the above to a manic spike or something because people don’t do big things anymore the world is too big.

:)

21:29

Anyway in the meantime I just realised having people transfer contributed code to me isn’t weird. The only weird part is that I’m not a company.

Also note to self I need to remember to allow for transferring all assets and data in the one condition it goes anywhere and gets turned into a registered company.

21:39

Do you ever have to stop and quantum reentangle your airpods before they’ll play nicely with your phone?

I hope these aren’t about to die on me else I’m using overears with a 5 meter cable w/ 5mm to 3.5 adapter as walkabouts

21:45

Be more subtle ya great waffling fartbox.

22:07

Also if you do make something like that Platform.. make sure to ramp down how Black Mirror it sounds.

22:30

I was so close to deleting the poverty poor stuff and hidden all the evidence. Just so you know the sort of stuff I usually delete.

Like I said earlier the goals can be lower ‘eh. Anyway if I get back on top that’s be my overarching goal. :)

22:32

One last fart from a guy who thinks he’s forever 17.

I should try some of the smaller project ideas though. One thing leads to another and that.

What’s a diary without secret dreams? Shhhh.

22:36

Be aware I might be manipulating you into bigging me up and going “it’ll be a great idea man go for it” I can’t tell.

22:49

Did I mention by the way? All my bills for the month paid off including backdated ones and minimum payments. Back on top.

Ok not on top on top but y’know. Brakes kicked in.

23:07

If I was a TV show right, the de-poverty goal would be the end goal end of the series forever sort of thing and theres gonna be a lot of filler, ok?

Just relax.

But that is what I’d waste my money on if I won the lottery. Release those big money balls all over my face neck and chest.

What. You decided to read my diary. If you don’t like it you can just as easily do one.

23:11

Imagine you were out at a resturaunt and your face just peeled off onto your meal.

“oup. excuse me”

23:19

The other woman.

When I was in Benidorm with the lads, a beautiful Australian lady started dancing with me during one of our bants bants bants club nights.

Nothing naughty, calm down. I’m your sort of too drunk to notice these arm movements are super weird please stop focusing on each limb set individually kind of dancer.

She did go for a kiss after a song or two though..

And I dodged backwards and told her I wasn’t single. “Oh, sorry! Who is single then?” I point to my mate. “Oh nice. Upgrade!”

Hahaha.

23:39

My mate is pretty phwoaahh to be fair.

00:28

Almost deleted it all again.

Heya! I’m Cohan and I make PHP-based websites. I also administer Linux servers and do other nerdy good stuff like that.
My real love is writing though, this here’s my outlet for that.
A picture of me.