January 24, 2021. Sunday.

A last minute realisation of the wild west.

12:47

Mornin'

Todays plan:

  • Fuck all

Perfect.

14:07

Just noticed it’s snowed. Neat.

Anyway why do people say they’re afraid when they give bad news. “I’m afraid to say..”

I’m scared to say xyz wont be coming today.

15:04

Got up, fancied a coffee. Today’s hot look

Tried some porridge, porrige, oats n shit made with water as I’m out of milk. Wasn’t bad.

17:10

Had a pack of wine gums. One black wine gum. At least the rest was red ones, but come on Maynards, put more black ones in.

17:18

Had a vitamin D tablet. Bit into it without thinking. It made a loud popping noise.

I was expecting instant taste regret. It didn’t taste of anything.

Lucky.

Watching that Joe Rogan episode where he talks to Elon Musk about just stuff. I see why folks say he’s an alien or AI or whatever, he takes a moment to ponder before responding, sort of looks like an AI coming up with a response haha.

Not a bad personality trait to be honest, hate it when people just straight up answer and shut something down then I pop in a minute later with the solution. Just.. think!

Yes I’m aware I just compared myself to Elon Musk despite being a person effectively doing nothing. I know. Side note I can also see how reddit has formed a cult behind him. People love a good quirk.

17:53

Did a Dad thing earlier. Mini Cheddars with actual bits of cheddar cheese. Little bit of butter between to adhese. Sorted.

I do miss that guy. Not the one that died recently but the one you rarely got to see, the sober one. A bit the alcoholic one too if I’m honest.

I shouldn’t have seen the body man, not for any sort of spookiness reason or anything but because we are just temporary un-nothingness with an opinion aren’t we?

My Dad’s passing ultimately never changed anything, the world isn’t now missing a cog. We’re just bits of dust blowing around in a sandstorm.

On the positive that means you can let go of that one time in high school you bought a girl a rose or the time you shouted a little too rambunctiously and that one sorta intimidating sarcastic as all hell goth or-was-it-emo girl gave you a “say it don’t spray it Cohan, jheez”

The weird little connections in your brain are the only things keeping some of your worst memories alive. Let it go.

Where was I? Oh yeah my dead Dad. I got the cheese I wanted from yesterday! That’s what I wanted to say!

18:18

Had a lovely whatsapp natter with mum, shes hoping to get my christmas presents to me before my birthday haha

19:24

I think I’m paranoid people hate me out of fear. Like I fear new people and fight or flight misfire registers them as a threat and my modern mind paints the most dangerous thing it can.

19:28

Dear diary I like talking to you because this is my space. Anyone who doesn’t want to know can piss off :D

19:30

Man, I do not care about cars. I’d be happy with a busytown apple-ass pod of a thing that automatically drives me around.

19:53

Ooo just realised I’m on my third phone in a row no damage. The last two both retired with a few scrapes and scratches but not so much a crack in the screen. No pressure iPhone 11.

The problem is I got them both with excess storage in the belief I was going to record some stuff. At least with this one I went for the middle ground option on storage to save a few quid every month.

Need to get out more, bounce around.

20:27

I wish I was the sort of person into running. Bustin out marathons and that.

20:35

update: i am now eating a chocolate bar. It is everything I could have wanted.

23:00

In a decent mood still, no anxiety silliness, is this really a Sunday?

23:06

Oh fuuuuuck man. Dad would have loved to play RDR2. Don’t be an alcoholic. Poor bastard.

https://open.spotify.com/user/vconcert/playlist/2FFfm2s9C2QhnVqvK9X3ti?si=Gtsp9oJ6Sz2cSgpqtx6nNQ

23:37

Imagine you were being burgled and the burglar farted

Heya! I’m Cohan and I make PHP-based websites. I also administer Linux servers and do other nerdy good stuff like that.
My real love is writing though, this here’s my outlet for that.
A picture of me.