January 17, 2021. Sunday.

I’m down to the last few hundred of Casey Neistat’s vlogs.

20:00-ishe

Hey by the way I should note as bad as earlier posts are they are only feelings of the day. I’m not suicidal all the time and I’m never making plans to act on it. Suicidal thoughts are part and parcel of my underlying depression. I’ll get them sorted out don’t you worry. I’ll say bye first if I am going to do anything permanent. There will be time to catch if they become real plans, no hints, just straight up I’ll tell you I’m off to pop my clogs with plenty of notice. This is my promise to you.

Anyway so yeah the vlogs. Man, I want to start vlogging haha. You know you’ve found someone at the top of their game when them doing the thing they do makes you want to do the thing they do too. Maybe after the covid when there’s something interesting to vlog about haha.

At the moment the only thing I could record is a time lapse of me working from when it stops being dark to just after it finishes being dark. I hate winter, there’s no time to do anything! Might do that tbf.

I’m still planning on doing stream stuff but man, there’s always so many great excuses and better ideas out there. Very close.

… there might be something to this daily timelapse thing. Sort of a prequel to whatever I end up doing showing the bog standard 9-5 haha.

I’ll try to post more on this thing (the death spell of any diary, that phrase) too. It’s just time is going by so fast any days I miss I probably just didn’t do anything outside of work, which I can’t really blog about. I’m ramping up into being an interesting person, give it a minute

21:41

Just had a thought to add the time to when I add to this as I’m just going to append as and when.

Random thought: I have no passion in life right now. I think that’s why I’m spinning in circles. I’m not aimed at anything.

I need to come up with something I’m actually passionate about. I havent really thought anythung more than that though watch this space.

Suggestions in the comments if you’re on Telegram!

23:31

Ok but what if I become the real me and everyone just liked the mask

Every Sunday with this anxiety. Patterns become rules become automatic. I’ll get you anxiety. You too while I’m at it depression, prick.

Heya! I’m Cohan and I make PHP-based websites. I also administer Linux servers and do other nerdy good stuff like that.
My real love is writing though, this here’s my outlet for that.
A picture of me.