The 6 steps to deleting Facebook with a zenlike grace and no fear of the unknown.

If at any time you think “This is stupid just delete it lmao” go do it. Skip to step 4.

Step 1: Confuse the algorithm

Facebook knows you right know. It probably knows exactly what things it can put in front of you and get a like or comment out of you. The first thing’s first, lets confuse it a bit. It’ll help.

Delete your likes. Every liked page you’ve got, not anymore. Set aside some time to painstakingly delete each and every one of them. Make it a game. When and why did you like this page? Do you even remember? Get it KonMari’d if you need to. Thank you, “when ur mates go out for a cheeky nandos” I liked back in 2008 when Facebook’s layout allowed for that sort of thing to make sense, thank you for your service.

Delete your friends. Ok not your friend friends, but the people from highschool you spoke to like 4 times while there. Facebook is going to start pushing you towards their content when your likes are gone.

Now, wait a week. Two weeks. Might even be a month. I think I heard most habits are made or broken in 21 days. Give it at least that long before calling this bollocks and liking everything again. This is a process, let it work. Meanwhile:

Step 2: Line up your alternatives

You can’t just go cold turkey on it, if you could you would have already. Your dopamine hits are connected to Facebook notifications right now. We’re weaning you off them in Step 1, keep at it.

Now if you’re like me, you love people saying how great you are. You’re going to need an outlet. Maybe a blog? Probably not. Get yourself a Twitter or Instagram* set up, start finding all your real friendly friends there.

You’re also going to need comms. Think about all the people you contact daily, weekly, monthly. Find a place where you can still interact with them, that’s why I still keep Instagram as an option for now. Maybe it’s time to go back to SMS?

* I know, it’s still Facebook.. I know. Please give me your better alternates. Better means populated, too. If you’re about to tell me about Mastodon you’ve got more chance of this being the year of the Linux Desktop than you have Mastodon picking up any sort of notable steam. I’m sorry.

Step 3: Deactivation

Hit deactivate, blam! It’s under Settings & Privacy -> Settings -> Your Facebook Information (left column) -> Deactivation and Deletion -> Deactivate account.

What’s the point in this step? To find anything you’ve missed. Do you find yourself drawn back to Facebook in a way other than habit? Make sure to get that covered.

Give this one a week, see if you’re missing anything. Used FB Messenger for something? Pop back to Step 2 and get it alternated.

Think it’s still silly to go this far to only deactivate it? Skip ahead.

Step 4: Backup

Before you do this, you might want to grab a copy of your data. This is a bit of a process because Facebook doesn’t want you getting out (Also in fairness it’s a lot of cold data they have to wake up). If you truly believe you do not need any of your Facebook data then skip to Step 5.

Repeat this step twice replacing HTML with JSON on the second go if you’re tech inclined, you never know right?

Go to Setting and Privacy -> Settings -> Your Facebook Information (left colum) -> Download Your Information -> Make sure it’s set to HTML and includes all your data -> Create File

When Facebook gets round to it you can download a copy of your data and then finally

Step 5: Delete

Settings & Privacy -> Settings -> Your Facebook Information (left column) -> Deactivation and Deletion -> Delete account -> Confirm password -> Delete Account

Now if you’re worrying before doing this, you’ve got 30 days to brick it and log back in, restoring your account as if nothing happened. Give it 21 days. Get the habits broke. After 21 days if you’re still feeling it, log back in and reactivate everything. No loss.

Step 6: FREEDOM!

Be sure to tell everyone you don’t use Facebook, even when unprompted.